First posted here in May 2007
In his training Dale learned a technique for self hypnosis that goes basically like this:
It uses visualization (later to be connected to the individual’s concrete goal chosen at the start of the ‘game’ BEFORE he was taught the abstract play (or metaphysics) of it. The goal is defined generally as the ‘item’ which is to be whatever that ‘thing’ is that you would like to get rid of or ‘experience out of your circle.’ Basically it is self programming and telling oneself whatever one wants to ear, in the terms in which one wants to hear ‘It.’
Like all of this, it is WHAT you visualize, WHAT you tell yourself, and WHAT your goal is which makes the SAME concepts and words, good or evil, positive or negative, etc. it is those metaphysical words and concepts which sit at the nexus of meaning—a point of potential meaning only, yet to be connected to concrete reality. That is what he ‘shifts’ around and why you can’t pin him down to specifics. That is one of his learned ‘game’ tactics. It’s part of the con, to him. To others, it may mean something quite different when it is connected to THEIR concrete goal.
Each person subjectively projects his or her own meaning into that abstraction; much like psychiatry itself does with its own abstract word system in the DSM (The Dark Secrets of Metaphysics)
It is ALL abstraction without concrete detail or evidence. There is an old saying, “The devil is in the details.” When you don’t look at the details, the ‘devil’ is able to hide in the Shadow, a space it creates or itself which no on sees; a blind spot.
The ‘space I create for myself’ has a spiritual nature that depends on the details- MY motivation, my desires, and my goal, which can generally have one of four spiritual attitudes:
1. Thinking only of myself
2. Thinking only of others
(Both of these are often promoted as ‘reality’ but they are actually both illusions of dysfunctional relating)
3. Thinking of both self and others.
4. Thinking of neither self nor others.
The only real goal is number three but what THAT means also depends on the same things.
Human beings know that we are all connected, even if we try to deny it. Again what ‘connected’ means depends upon the specific situation. The struggles come from feeling the need to be either more or less in relation to other people. The lives of individuals are not abstractions. As is said inside Dales’ ‘secret’ training, “Reality is substantial and will knock you on your ass,” as is being demonstrated here. It first knocks ME on my ass, but It is described by Fenwick as a “pyrrhic victory” so it also knocks everyone else involved on their collective asses. So Dale ‘wins’ at the expense of everyone else.
You can’t ‘philosophize’ reality away, though people seem to want to be doing that more and more lately, which explains perhaps the growing presence of cults and cult-like organizations. Each one promise the same basic things, based on the same basic abstractions, but the names keep changing to suit the leaders. You also can’t drug reality out of existence though many an addict has tried to do that. The ‘cure’ tends to destroy the patient host. Ask any drug addict who can’t stop a cycle that must be broken in order to save himself, or herself. The ‘cure’ is like drugging effects so that you don’t have to face or deal with the real causes.
Dale wants to believe he is ‘at cause,’ as is stated in the jargon, and ironically, he IS; but he has also ‘failed to see what is right in front of him’, failed to ‘get it,’ because when he was ‘satisfied’ that he got what he wanted out of it, “all further search (for reason) stopped.”
As a result, he is now ‘the source of his own pain.’ This is why (IMHO) the leader who started this game has said, “You don’t have to call me the source anymore. “
As the training demonstrates, a ‘shift’ has occurred, “out here, in concrete reality’, and most people would never be able to figure out how that happened, or who caused it, since the starting point is now far behind us in time, and as we have been shown, what we believe is really happening, depends upon from where we view the start of the action. In other words, just as evidence without context has no meaning, so does context without evidence. That is the same truth for all. Whether it’s good or evil depends upon HOW it is used. Many people seem to want to homogenize good and evil so it will not be seen and even say, There is no good or evil, no right or wrong. Many people believe something is ‘wrong’ only if it is done to them, but not wrong if they do it to others.
A double standard, and therefore a ‘split’ reality prevails in the world and the clever cons are often admired and emulated. That’s the real problem and where the societal sickness starts.
It does NOT start in an individual who perceives that ‘split’ which others deny, and therefore want suppressed in the one who perceives it.
The technique in Dale’s ‘game’ for ‘making your headache disappear” was about focusing totally on that ‘headache.’ (Wink, nudge)
That sort of concept of course can work for other things too. My last and successful attempt to quit smoking involved forcing myself to pay complete and total attention to the act of smoking. Doing so removed the automatic habitual aspect from the addiction; the compulsion to pick one up just because it was what I was used to doing unconsciously. My last cigarette was October 28th, 1989.
After the ‘headache’ demo, the leader invited those who were ‘credentialed by the agreements of society’ too use it in whatever way seemed appropriate to them to do so. (That’s a pretty broad suggestion wouldn’t you say?)
Do you think that Dales’ use of it is ‘appropriate’? He does seem to have ‘created a space for himself.” If so, what sort of space do you think he has created and to what purpose?
Of course, Jill Herne, Chief Nursing Officer, asked him if he did this in relation to me. Not surprisingly (to me anyway) he said,”No.” and he was apparently quite mystified about it. Not knowing exactly what is, and clearly not interested in having me explain it to her, or Ed Perez, from my point of view, she also asked Dale if he ever used it with patients at the hospital. Again he said ‘no’, that he had ‘not been interested in that for a long time’, and he promised he would not use it there. None of Dale’s co workers including doctors had ever seen him do this according to Jill Herne. So, by a vote, based on a combination of ‘group consensus’ and ‘authority’ it was determined that no such thing had occurred. Apparently, nothing really happened. As I watched this, AFTER I had read the book, I saw all my own predictions of the group behaviour coming true, but no only that, I also watched as the concepts inside the training of which I was now fully aware, were acted out by all those involved. “Everything and nothing” was indeed, “the same thing” to this bunch. I felt my metaphorical jaw drop. I have since gotten over that feeling and expect everything they do, as they do it.
Shortly after that, I once saw Dale in the town square standing at a bus stop, his eyes glowing with amusement as he watched me pass by him, the usual little smirk on his well trained face, which now only I, officially labeled a mental case, can truly see. “It’s about domination.” Dale and I both understand that, except that I am now supposed to accept the ‘under’ standing aren’t I?
After the headache demonstration, the trainees chose their personal ‘item’ which they desired to get rid of. Those who complained were put down by the trainer and frequently ridiculed by the whole group as well. Those who shared their problems and externalized them were seen by most as more powerful people and in control. Abuse victims were mocked.
Fenwick noted that she felt ‘excited’ in the training, usually when some phrase or concept connected with something n her life; when it seemed ‘to plug in.’
(Projecting subjectively into the abstractions of the game)
An experience of group catharsis had begun.
Dale then learned how to ‘hook his item’ prepatory to ‘experiencing it out of his circle.” Like his circle at Homewood perhaps?
I believe I am “it’ people in Dale’s game of metaphysical tag, and like a game of tag, I switch positions and become the one who counts backwards while those who hunted for me, try to find some good places to hide themselves. Now we are going to do The Truth Process, as we must stick to Dales’ jargon mustn’t we? This is how we re-integrate abstract and concrete, until we manage to achieve that ‘Zen-like cuteness” of Fenwick’s analysis.
Fenwick watched as in the training, clear signs were manifesting that some were disconnecting from concrete reality. She observed her own "Perverse voyeuristic gratification" in her role of observer. All the 'corrections' for those sharing were aimed at stopping complaints about "others" but there was no focus given to what those 'others' may have done to deserve or generate those complaints from those victims. There were no complaints or 'corrections' to people who wanted to see themselves as aggressors. (like the mental illness system) People were told that seeing themselves as 'victims' no matter what the concrete details and, in fact, apart from any concrete details, was 'wrong.'
Dale also learned that 'solving problems just created further problems.' So, the majority of people are willing to give up on that. Perhaps this is how the "you must let it go" , "you must get on with your life " stuff got started.
If we are paying attention, we would notice that those who use those platitudes the most, are those who want 'others' to let them off the accountability hook. They MEAN: "I am NOT going to admit to anything or own my OWN behaviour, so you may as well give up expecting ethics or integrity from me. No matter what my failure to admit to this costs YOU, and everyone else, I am not EVER going to admit it! Of course, They don't say it quite that way. That would be too honest and direct and that is not their style. Instead, "what they do with problems is hand them to someone else." (That is one of Dale's "game" concepts too) They often hand even more of their problems to their victims.
That way it is not THEIR thinking and behaviour problem; it is their victim's perception and reaction problem. When the aggressor has no conscience, as true sociopaths don't, this relationship problem will never be resolved or changed, simply because the sociopath does not care about the results. (or ''effects'' as it is termed in the 'game')
Next concept:"To avoid lying, one could substitute ''and' for 'but.'
Did you know that Dale once wrote down for me, "We think and yes, we don't THINK."
(I noted the seemingly misplaced ''and'' at the time, which connected opposites.) That was on the same page on which he wrote,
''In life, understanding is the booby prize. Sorry."
The ''under'' part of that was repeated, or gone over, several times with his pen. Do you get that?
Understanding: means comprehension (abstract)
AND
Under standing: means beneath him in value or worth. (making it a concrete fact?)
Isn't this hilarious? Let's all tell him how hilarious we find his ''joke'' or ''game'' to be now shall we?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Being "Chosen" by Game Boy
First posted Jan 2007
I’m one of the chosen few
…………………………………..
I’m out of touch,
I feel too much,
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give
On how to be,
Insensitive.
Jann Arden
Hmmmm…poor Jann. She ‘thinks’ she is the ‘chosen.’ Shouldn’t she be on’ a little something’ to reduce her awareness for her?
Fenwick actually showed us how she projected her own subjective beliefs and experience into the abstractions of the training. She did not, however, seem aware of that at the time. You see, awareness comes much later, if at all. For most of those trained it remains elusive, even when they believe they have it. She states the beliefs of generations of psychologists this way:
“Men are disturbed not by things but by the views which they take of things.”
Personally, though I am certainly no mental health/illness professional, I see that statement as BOTH true and false depending upon the specific reality of the ‘things’ being viewed as well as, the point of view of the one doing the viewing. Of course I am considered by many to be quite ‘stupid’ for this. They are all quite sure they know what this means in ways I do not, and ironically I tend to agree with that, just not about who is the most ‘stupid.’
She states then that the concept of ‘Acceptance’ which is in the training, she equates with wisdom.
My question would be, “acceptance of what, specifically?”
On the concept of ‘sharing’ Fenwick states: “Sometimes the leader’s arguments were soundly rational but more often they struck me as a ‘supremely elegant con.’
“Con” you Homewood staffers who joined in this little ‘game’ or ‘joke’ and who were indulging yourselves in “Participation” (another concept which is a a key word for you and for your ‘understanding’ which is also a key word from the training.
Fenwick also states the trainees had been specifically instructed NOT to share the contents of the training with any of the untrained. So WHY would that be and is that true?
It was suggested that such information would only confuse us ‘outsiders.’ I would bet though that that is more of an ‘interpretation of a training statement that would be presented more like this:
“You don’t share the contents of the training with untrained others as that will only confuse them.”
We will come back to this as a possibility in a moment. Fenwick then states. Information of course, is never confusing while obfuscation is designed to be.”
Now, go back to the statement as I wrote it and see what it means. I will give you a hint.
Read it as if it were intended to be logical. Ask yourself what the word “That” in the statement represents. Or read it as each of one of these:
A revelation
An accusation
An instruction: from both positive and negative points of view.
If you wanted to clear up confusion in relation to others, what would you think of the statement itself. How about if you wanted to confuse people; if confusing people was your goal which you may have planned in advance? What would it mean to you then?
Do you Homewood staffers and patients as well, remember acting out for me, often from a few feet away from ‘stupid’ me, that the staff of Hamilton 2 and 3 (especially) were having themselves some ‘fun’ by ‘trying to confuse me’? I do.
Do you think that maybe that might be because this self defined ‘game’ player selected me as his target, or, in his own jargon, ‘item’ which is defined as “whatever that thing might be that you would like to get rid of?”
Do you staffers of Hamilton 2 & 3 recall me telling you all and Dale that you are ‘objectifying me.”?
Reducing someone to the level of a thing, item, or disease process is the first step in the ‘game boy’s self justification for his ‘recreation’ and acting ‘it’ out in concrete reality. Do you, who think you know everything, get that yet?
Next, in your manipulated (and manipulative) group experience, comes the training concept of ‘realization.” That is when you suddenly realize what you’ve done and then must “do something about it”—another game concept of Dale’s. You staff at Homewood did something too didn’t you? What did you ‘choose”?
You decided to cover up your involvement and you agreed together to do that some of you allegedly stating that if you all stuck together you would be all right as they could not fire all of you.” “Conspired together” I believe is an appropriate term to use here. You chose to do that rather than go for disclosure and resolution as that might have cost YOU something and you decided you would treat me as ‘expendable.” As I told you then, while you listened and pretended you were not listening: "I am NOT expendable!’ I mean exactly what I am saying. I meant it then and I mean it now.
Of course, I am pretty sure that what you did is what Dale the game boy expected you to do, since he has seen this outcome before inside the ‘secret’ training and since you all work someplace where the politics is MORE important than the work itself. The fact that the place exists by defining integrity and sanity and reality FOR everyone else should make it the LAST place to excuse and conceal such group behaviour, though this does not seem to mater at all does it?
At the top of Dale’s experience comes a point called “Sourcing” and that means being the ‘source’ of ‘everything’ (there’s that dysfunctional absolute term again) that happens to him. That is what Dale ‘thinks’ he wants to be. It is also called being ‘at cause’ (the winner) as opposed to ‘at effect” (the loser) in ‘the game of life.”
That is at once, Dale’s grandiose delusion and his own downfall—for he is now going to be exactly what he thought he wanted to be when he chose ‘power’ over, and apart from, ‘enlightenment.’
He is indeed at cause of all of this and he is ‘sourcing,’ (the source of everything that is going to happen to him as a result of blindly following the leader) and ‘the source f his own pain” which he caused by lusting for power over others and acting it all out in concrete reality by sharing his experience of being an a**hole, from the point of view from which he heard “It.” Notice how as the training promises this is all ‘clearing up in the process of life itself’? Want to know why?
It is because THIS time the game boy targeted an ‘item’ who chose ‘enlightenment’ over ‘power’ and who has played some version of this game before in life, even though I did not pay anyone to take the ‘training’ myself. Still, I have been on the receiving end of this a**hole game before and I have watched the group effects play out before too. That is what really makes me ‘psychic.’ It is not that moronic repeating back my own words to me which you thought would ‘fool’ stupid inferior me. That only fooled YOU. What makes me ‘psychic’ is the recognition of what dale and you were doing on a metaphysical level. My error only in believing it was a real joke that included me in the ‘fun.’ But it didn’t. I think it was done because of Dr. Shashi Joglekar’s little ‘test’ which Dale coaxed me to answer the way he wanted and then assumed that if HE knew how to answer, that meant he was highly intelligent and if I knew how to answer, that meant I was crazy. After that, he performed the bait and switch part of his little com game with me. I think the rest of you had already been suckered into the act BEFORE I was so that you would accept his version of my reactions to him as though I were the starting point rather than him. That is how the game works for those with hidden agendas of domination, who hear all the concepts as an instruction, for power, over others.
Now, from MY point of view, there is no immediate gratification or power rush but there is a real resolution possible and my brand of ‘satisfaction’ comes from the revelation and sharing of the information that clears up confusion for everyone else, especially those who have ALSO been targeted by any well trained ‘a**holes.’ This brand of ‘satisfaction’ lasts a lot longer and doesn’t fall apart because of revelation. Quite the opposite occurs as you might expect that it would. After all this IS a ‘game’ of directly opposing points of view isn’t it?
To put it in terms of Dale’s game concept: “Completed experiences disappear.”
So we are all going to complete this one this time. “Only those experiences you resist ( Homewood ) continue to bother you.” (Another “game boy” concept) Remember when you were all listening in, in that sneaky ‘superior’ way you all have? I told you, “I will take care of ‘game boy’ myself. That’s what I am doing whether that ‘effin hospital’ (as some have referred to it) likes it or not.
Next concept: “Make you Headache Disappear.”
Hmmm…I say to myself, was I perhaps defined as “Dales’ headache’? I that why he smirked so much as he made me ‘disappear’? Was that the goal he planned first? In his double bait and switch routine? (Did you know there is evidence that some of these trained people consider ‘setting people up” to be acceptable behaviour since they also believe there is really no right or wrong anyway?
Does anyone remember Dale expressing that idea to others? I once heard a student volunteer telling another on the bus, that she was rather concerned that patients in the abuse section of Homewood were being told “by staff” that really there was no right or wrong; it was all just a matter of changing your point of view. Dale was working on that unit at the time. Being who I am, it made me feel ‘suspicious’. (One of my many symptoms)
Concept: “Make your headache disappear”
Hmmm. Was I perhaps defined as Dale’s ‘headache’ after the double bait and switch part of the ‘set –up’?
There is some concrete evidence suggesting that some of these ‘graduates” consider ‘setting people up” to be acceptable behaviour since they also believe there is no right or wrong anyway.)
Does anyone ‘out here, in the world of reality’ remember Dale expressing any ideas like that?
I once heard a student volunteer telling another on the bus, that she was concerned that abuse survivours in the unit at Homewood were being told that ‘really’ there is no right or wrong; it was all just a matter of changing your point of view.” That sure sounds familiar in relation to his training wouldn’t you say? Dale was working on that unit at the time too. Is that just a coincidence? Or is it my paranoid delusions acting up with my being aware of that?
Did you know that a lot of people described as ‘prominent’ have taken this training and many of them recommend it to others including a lot of mental health pros? You don’t suppose they ‘think’ they hear concepts in it in relation to their own training do you? Could THEY be subjectively projecting their own beliefs into it? Or is that considered to be impossible for such highly trained people to be able to do?
Fenwick noted the “testimonials’ in the training as a vital component. People who questioned the training and its value of course were turned on by the ‘converts’ and often routinely ridiculed into silence. That, of course, is part of the demonstration of the “effects.”
Say, did you know there are some testimonials on Homewood ’s website? There don’t seem to be any views expressed there which oppose that though. You know, being ‘mad’ like I am, I often ‘think’ I see similarities within systems, on a psycho-spiritual or generic level, that Homewood staff and many others do not see. I guess I am to assume that what the majority of people, who are considered to be sane, do NOT see, simply isn’t there. Have I got that right?
In the game, they demonstrated the leader’s flat affect when people spoke of their distress or their losses, as well as the inappropriate group affect when they all applauded anything anyone said without any discernment whatsoever as to it’s value. They did this for no other reason than that they had been told to do it by the leader.
Did I mention the staff of the Bookshelf Café, mostly university students, had, one year in this long ongoing saga, discussed in my presence giving me a round of applause, “right in front of her”? What do you suppose motivated that? Was it that I would not let the Homewood staff get away with what they had done” (as some suggested on the streets of Guelph ) Or was it that they were acting out according to the notion that I was only SAYING I had been ‘set –up” as a means of ‘seeking attention’? (Something that has also been acted out for me in various locations)
In Dale’s training, there was a segment in which people were told they were a**holes if they DON’T come back and finish the training, which is then demonstrated to cause them to give up their argument against it and return to the training and to the group which continues to tell them what a**holes they are whether they stay or leave.
(That sounds like a double bind to me. Do you think the a**holes in question notice that? They are then told again to follow instructions and to just take what they get.
Did the Homewood staff involved in the Guelph version of this ‘game’ follow Dale’s instructions? How much of it was directed by him? Why don’t we just ask them? We could start with the core group: Leslie Matthews, Kathy Bryant, Paul Bell, Sue Bell, Mary Goy, Monica Longo, Dr. Shashi Joglekar, Dr. Geoff Daniel, Elizabeth Schramm, Trisha Stiles, June Moore) Just for starters; I can give you the names of plenty more people to ask also. Did the same staff later follow Shashi Joglekar’s instructions or perhaps Ed Perez’s instructions, to conceal the truth about everything they had done? Or was that just another false rumor? I know! Let’s all ask them.
The trainees in Dales’ game were warned in the training that comparing their experience to that of others is one of the pitfalls.
Did you compare your version of ‘reality’ as defined by Dale to mine? Or did you just avoid seeing or knowing of any other possible side to this reinforced perhaps by Homewood ’s added instructions to deny the whole event?
Did you subjectively project your own beliefs about what was going on onto me, since I was defined for you as an ‘inferior,’ based on the premise provided FOR you by this well trained a**hole, whose grandiosity allows him to believe he can ‘create and define reality itself” for everyone else and that he can be in ‘total control”? These are his beliefs you know.
Would you say that thanks to your co-operation, defined in the training jargon as ‘your agreements” that he has come pretty close to achieving that goal? Do you suppose that this is what Fenwick means when she says it is ‘idiotic’ yet ‘the power obtained is real’?
The trainer then pointed out to the trainees that what was true to them, was true to them. It was also then pointed out, more concretely, (an ongoing theme in this you notice as the difference between abstract concepts (metaphysical) and concrete facts (physical)) that ‘water is wet and rocks are hard. And that is just they way it is.’
Fenwick then discusses HER ‘interpretations’ of the principles as SHE understands them, based on her own training and experience. But I ask myself, what do they mean to the one at the top of the experience- the one who produced this ‘play’ in the first place? Also, I ask, what do they mean to Dale? Why don’t we all just ask him to give us some specific answers to our own questions, based on what WE know has occurred in concrete reality right here?
I myself have a whole lot of very specific questions I want to ask this superior person and I want to ask him in front of witnesses just like I said all those years ago to Dr, Geoff Daniel in the presence of Leslie Matthews, long before I broke down from all the stress of it. That happens when one gets treated like an ‘item’ or ‘subject’ you know. Leslie Matthews and many others can tell you about my prediction of that. Ask Bev Lucyk about it. I told her that Dale was doing this game routine, that I could not stop him no matter what I said or did and also that “you can drive someone into a psychosis doing this you know”? Ed Perez was also told in writing that I had told her, among other people, exactly that. Let’s ask them ALL what opinions they expressed to everyone abut what I told them. After all, you want to see the whole fascinating case all the way to it’s fascinating conclusion do you not? This was all in late 94 I believe. Was there some reason that face to face with witnesses had to be prevented? Were you afraid you would not be able to hold ‘dangerous’ me back if I saw the poor innocent mystified Dale, the game boy? Does the staff have to go deep into this denial because they are all ‘crazy’?
What do you think the game concept, “Change causes persistence” means to Dale? Do you think it might mean that if he keeps ‘shifting’ around the meaning of things and changing his views in vague abstract ways, that those he sucks into the game will keep trying to resolve it?
I am on the other side of that platitude. I am the opposite point of view; that of “persistence cause change.” I am his opposition; the opposing position , the other choice: ‘enlightenment.’ I believe that if I persist, you people who have tried to cover this up and protected my protagonist in order to take care of your own interests at my expense, will ultimately Change your own point of view and start to face reality with those of us who already see it yet get called ‘crazy’ for doing so. Concept: What you believe is happening depends upon your ‘point of view’ and on what you perceive as the starting point (or premise)
Perhaps you remember me telling Dale on the answering machine you listened in on every day that I understood that if “you pull out the premise, then everything I said after that sounded crazy” and without any structure. Remember that comment you innocent, totally mystified people?
If, or when, you can mange to own your own behaviour instead of just preaching about it to others, and admit that you are wrong, you just might start o change and if you do, there will be a whole let less aggression in this world and a lot less victim blaming to go along with that. That could disrupt the cycle of abuse you know and defuse all of this so that nobody blows anybody’s head off AND (not or) So that no one’s head is getting blown off. See any mutual benefit there at all?
I got the impression from the revelation of the training that a lot of people confuse self-actualization with ego mania. Fenwick also related her own ‘interpretation’ of the training concepts, such as ‘recreation causes disappearance’ to her therapeutic practice. That’s what SHE subjectively projected into it. I said many years ago, the people most likely to ‘get it’ are those who have played the role of either, victim or aggressor before. They are the ones to whom this abstract ‘play’ is most familiar.
Given that, what do you think it might mean to a sociopath who hears all the concepts ‘as if’ they were an instruction for obtaining power over the target of his choice?
Visualization techniques were taught as well, aiming for control, with concrete goals set first.
(I am visualizing something like that right now. If it happens soon, I will say, “Wow! Ever amazing!- just so that I can join all the rest of you who have never stopped using the word in a constant repetition which is frankly, getting on my nerves after all this time.
Guess what MY goal is?
Stay tuned
Lots more training still to come…
I’m one of the chosen few
…………………………………..
I’m out of touch,
I feel too much,
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give
On how to be,
Insensitive.
Jann Arden
Hmmmm…poor Jann. She ‘thinks’ she is the ‘chosen.’ Shouldn’t she be on’ a little something’ to reduce her awareness for her?
Fenwick actually showed us how she projected her own subjective beliefs and experience into the abstractions of the training. She did not, however, seem aware of that at the time. You see, awareness comes much later, if at all. For most of those trained it remains elusive, even when they believe they have it. She states the beliefs of generations of psychologists this way:
“Men are disturbed not by things but by the views which they take of things.”
Personally, though I am certainly no mental health/illness professional, I see that statement as BOTH true and false depending upon the specific reality of the ‘things’ being viewed as well as, the point of view of the one doing the viewing. Of course I am considered by many to be quite ‘stupid’ for this. They are all quite sure they know what this means in ways I do not, and ironically I tend to agree with that, just not about who is the most ‘stupid.’
She states then that the concept of ‘Acceptance’ which is in the training, she equates with wisdom.
My question would be, “acceptance of what, specifically?”
On the concept of ‘sharing’ Fenwick states: “Sometimes the leader’s arguments were soundly rational but more often they struck me as a ‘supremely elegant con.’
“Con” you Homewood staffers who joined in this little ‘game’ or ‘joke’ and who were indulging yourselves in “Participation” (another concept which is a a key word for you and for your ‘understanding’ which is also a key word from the training.
Fenwick also states the trainees had been specifically instructed NOT to share the contents of the training with any of the untrained. So WHY would that be and is that true?
It was suggested that such information would only confuse us ‘outsiders.’ I would bet though that that is more of an ‘interpretation of a training statement that would be presented more like this:
“You don’t share the contents of the training with untrained others as that will only confuse them.”
We will come back to this as a possibility in a moment. Fenwick then states. Information of course, is never confusing while obfuscation is designed to be.”
Now, go back to the statement as I wrote it and see what it means. I will give you a hint.
Read it as if it were intended to be logical. Ask yourself what the word “That” in the statement represents. Or read it as each of one of these:
A revelation
An accusation
An instruction: from both positive and negative points of view.
If you wanted to clear up confusion in relation to others, what would you think of the statement itself. How about if you wanted to confuse people; if confusing people was your goal which you may have planned in advance? What would it mean to you then?
Do you Homewood staffers and patients as well, remember acting out for me, often from a few feet away from ‘stupid’ me, that the staff of Hamilton 2 and 3 (especially) were having themselves some ‘fun’ by ‘trying to confuse me’? I do.
Do you think that maybe that might be because this self defined ‘game’ player selected me as his target, or, in his own jargon, ‘item’ which is defined as “whatever that thing might be that you would like to get rid of?”
Do you staffers of Hamilton 2 & 3 recall me telling you all and Dale that you are ‘objectifying me.”?
Reducing someone to the level of a thing, item, or disease process is the first step in the ‘game boy’s self justification for his ‘recreation’ and acting ‘it’ out in concrete reality. Do you, who think you know everything, get that yet?
Next, in your manipulated (and manipulative) group experience, comes the training concept of ‘realization.” That is when you suddenly realize what you’ve done and then must “do something about it”—another game concept of Dale’s. You staff at Homewood did something too didn’t you? What did you ‘choose”?
You decided to cover up your involvement and you agreed together to do that some of you allegedly stating that if you all stuck together you would be all right as they could not fire all of you.” “Conspired together” I believe is an appropriate term to use here. You chose to do that rather than go for disclosure and resolution as that might have cost YOU something and you decided you would treat me as ‘expendable.” As I told you then, while you listened and pretended you were not listening: "I am NOT expendable!’ I mean exactly what I am saying. I meant it then and I mean it now.
Of course, I am pretty sure that what you did is what Dale the game boy expected you to do, since he has seen this outcome before inside the ‘secret’ training and since you all work someplace where the politics is MORE important than the work itself. The fact that the place exists by defining integrity and sanity and reality FOR everyone else should make it the LAST place to excuse and conceal such group behaviour, though this does not seem to mater at all does it?
At the top of Dale’s experience comes a point called “Sourcing” and that means being the ‘source’ of ‘everything’ (there’s that dysfunctional absolute term again) that happens to him. That is what Dale ‘thinks’ he wants to be. It is also called being ‘at cause’ (the winner) as opposed to ‘at effect” (the loser) in ‘the game of life.”
That is at once, Dale’s grandiose delusion and his own downfall—for he is now going to be exactly what he thought he wanted to be when he chose ‘power’ over, and apart from, ‘enlightenment.’
He is indeed at cause of all of this and he is ‘sourcing,’ (the source of everything that is going to happen to him as a result of blindly following the leader) and ‘the source f his own pain” which he caused by lusting for power over others and acting it all out in concrete reality by sharing his experience of being an a**hole, from the point of view from which he heard “It.” Notice how as the training promises this is all ‘clearing up in the process of life itself’? Want to know why?
It is because THIS time the game boy targeted an ‘item’ who chose ‘enlightenment’ over ‘power’ and who has played some version of this game before in life, even though I did not pay anyone to take the ‘training’ myself. Still, I have been on the receiving end of this a**hole game before and I have watched the group effects play out before too. That is what really makes me ‘psychic.’ It is not that moronic repeating back my own words to me which you thought would ‘fool’ stupid inferior me. That only fooled YOU. What makes me ‘psychic’ is the recognition of what dale and you were doing on a metaphysical level. My error only in believing it was a real joke that included me in the ‘fun.’ But it didn’t. I think it was done because of Dr. Shashi Joglekar’s little ‘test’ which Dale coaxed me to answer the way he wanted and then assumed that if HE knew how to answer, that meant he was highly intelligent and if I knew how to answer, that meant I was crazy. After that, he performed the bait and switch part of his little com game with me. I think the rest of you had already been suckered into the act BEFORE I was so that you would accept his version of my reactions to him as though I were the starting point rather than him. That is how the game works for those with hidden agendas of domination, who hear all the concepts as an instruction, for power, over others.
Now, from MY point of view, there is no immediate gratification or power rush but there is a real resolution possible and my brand of ‘satisfaction’ comes from the revelation and sharing of the information that clears up confusion for everyone else, especially those who have ALSO been targeted by any well trained ‘a**holes.’ This brand of ‘satisfaction’ lasts a lot longer and doesn’t fall apart because of revelation. Quite the opposite occurs as you might expect that it would. After all this IS a ‘game’ of directly opposing points of view isn’t it?
To put it in terms of Dale’s game concept: “Completed experiences disappear.”
So we are all going to complete this one this time. “Only those experiences you resist ( Homewood ) continue to bother you.” (Another “game boy” concept) Remember when you were all listening in, in that sneaky ‘superior’ way you all have? I told you, “I will take care of ‘game boy’ myself. That’s what I am doing whether that ‘effin hospital’ (as some have referred to it) likes it or not.
Next concept: “Make you Headache Disappear.”
Hmmm…I say to myself, was I perhaps defined as “Dales’ headache’? I that why he smirked so much as he made me ‘disappear’? Was that the goal he planned first? In his double bait and switch routine? (Did you know there is evidence that some of these trained people consider ‘setting people up” to be acceptable behaviour since they also believe there is really no right or wrong anyway?
Does anyone remember Dale expressing that idea to others? I once heard a student volunteer telling another on the bus, that she was rather concerned that patients in the abuse section of Homewood were being told “by staff” that really there was no right or wrong; it was all just a matter of changing your point of view. Dale was working on that unit at the time. Being who I am, it made me feel ‘suspicious’. (One of my many symptoms)
Concept: “Make your headache disappear”
Hmmm. Was I perhaps defined as Dale’s ‘headache’ after the double bait and switch part of the ‘set –up’?
There is some concrete evidence suggesting that some of these ‘graduates” consider ‘setting people up” to be acceptable behaviour since they also believe there is no right or wrong anyway.)
Does anyone ‘out here, in the world of reality’ remember Dale expressing any ideas like that?
I once heard a student volunteer telling another on the bus, that she was concerned that abuse survivours in the unit at Homewood were being told that ‘really’ there is no right or wrong; it was all just a matter of changing your point of view.” That sure sounds familiar in relation to his training wouldn’t you say? Dale was working on that unit at the time too. Is that just a coincidence? Or is it my paranoid delusions acting up with my being aware of that?
Did you know that a lot of people described as ‘prominent’ have taken this training and many of them recommend it to others including a lot of mental health pros? You don’t suppose they ‘think’ they hear concepts in it in relation to their own training do you? Could THEY be subjectively projecting their own beliefs into it? Or is that considered to be impossible for such highly trained people to be able to do?
Fenwick noted the “testimonials’ in the training as a vital component. People who questioned the training and its value of course were turned on by the ‘converts’ and often routinely ridiculed into silence. That, of course, is part of the demonstration of the “effects.”
Say, did you know there are some testimonials on Homewood ’s website? There don’t seem to be any views expressed there which oppose that though. You know, being ‘mad’ like I am, I often ‘think’ I see similarities within systems, on a psycho-spiritual or generic level, that Homewood staff and many others do not see. I guess I am to assume that what the majority of people, who are considered to be sane, do NOT see, simply isn’t there. Have I got that right?
In the game, they demonstrated the leader’s flat affect when people spoke of their distress or their losses, as well as the inappropriate group affect when they all applauded anything anyone said without any discernment whatsoever as to it’s value. They did this for no other reason than that they had been told to do it by the leader.
Did I mention the staff of the Bookshelf Café, mostly university students, had, one year in this long ongoing saga, discussed in my presence giving me a round of applause, “right in front of her”? What do you suppose motivated that? Was it that I would not let the Homewood staff get away with what they had done” (as some suggested on the streets of Guelph ) Or was it that they were acting out according to the notion that I was only SAYING I had been ‘set –up” as a means of ‘seeking attention’? (Something that has also been acted out for me in various locations)
In Dale’s training, there was a segment in which people were told they were a**holes if they DON’T come back and finish the training, which is then demonstrated to cause them to give up their argument against it and return to the training and to the group which continues to tell them what a**holes they are whether they stay or leave.
(That sounds like a double bind to me. Do you think the a**holes in question notice that? They are then told again to follow instructions and to just take what they get.
Did the Homewood staff involved in the Guelph version of this ‘game’ follow Dale’s instructions? How much of it was directed by him? Why don’t we just ask them? We could start with the core group: Leslie Matthews, Kathy Bryant, Paul Bell, Sue Bell, Mary Goy, Monica Longo, Dr. Shashi Joglekar, Dr. Geoff Daniel, Elizabeth Schramm, Trisha Stiles, June Moore) Just for starters; I can give you the names of plenty more people to ask also. Did the same staff later follow Shashi Joglekar’s instructions or perhaps Ed Perez’s instructions, to conceal the truth about everything they had done? Or was that just another false rumor? I know! Let’s all ask them.
The trainees in Dales’ game were warned in the training that comparing their experience to that of others is one of the pitfalls.
Did you compare your version of ‘reality’ as defined by Dale to mine? Or did you just avoid seeing or knowing of any other possible side to this reinforced perhaps by Homewood ’s added instructions to deny the whole event?
Did you subjectively project your own beliefs about what was going on onto me, since I was defined for you as an ‘inferior,’ based on the premise provided FOR you by this well trained a**hole, whose grandiosity allows him to believe he can ‘create and define reality itself” for everyone else and that he can be in ‘total control”? These are his beliefs you know.
Would you say that thanks to your co-operation, defined in the training jargon as ‘your agreements” that he has come pretty close to achieving that goal? Do you suppose that this is what Fenwick means when she says it is ‘idiotic’ yet ‘the power obtained is real’?
The trainer then pointed out to the trainees that what was true to them, was true to them. It was also then pointed out, more concretely, (an ongoing theme in this you notice as the difference between abstract concepts (metaphysical) and concrete facts (physical)) that ‘water is wet and rocks are hard. And that is just they way it is.’
Fenwick then discusses HER ‘interpretations’ of the principles as SHE understands them, based on her own training and experience. But I ask myself, what do they mean to the one at the top of the experience- the one who produced this ‘play’ in the first place? Also, I ask, what do they mean to Dale? Why don’t we all just ask him to give us some specific answers to our own questions, based on what WE know has occurred in concrete reality right here?
I myself have a whole lot of very specific questions I want to ask this superior person and I want to ask him in front of witnesses just like I said all those years ago to Dr, Geoff Daniel in the presence of Leslie Matthews, long before I broke down from all the stress of it. That happens when one gets treated like an ‘item’ or ‘subject’ you know. Leslie Matthews and many others can tell you about my prediction of that. Ask Bev Lucyk about it. I told her that Dale was doing this game routine, that I could not stop him no matter what I said or did and also that “you can drive someone into a psychosis doing this you know”? Ed Perez was also told in writing that I had told her, among other people, exactly that. Let’s ask them ALL what opinions they expressed to everyone abut what I told them. After all, you want to see the whole fascinating case all the way to it’s fascinating conclusion do you not? This was all in late 94 I believe. Was there some reason that face to face with witnesses had to be prevented? Were you afraid you would not be able to hold ‘dangerous’ me back if I saw the poor innocent mystified Dale, the game boy? Does the staff have to go deep into this denial because they are all ‘crazy’?
What do you think the game concept, “Change causes persistence” means to Dale? Do you think it might mean that if he keeps ‘shifting’ around the meaning of things and changing his views in vague abstract ways, that those he sucks into the game will keep trying to resolve it?
I am on the other side of that platitude. I am the opposite point of view; that of “persistence cause change.” I am his opposition; the opposing position , the other choice: ‘enlightenment.’ I believe that if I persist, you people who have tried to cover this up and protected my protagonist in order to take care of your own interests at my expense, will ultimately Change your own point of view and start to face reality with those of us who already see it yet get called ‘crazy’ for doing so. Concept: What you believe is happening depends upon your ‘point of view’ and on what you perceive as the starting point (or premise)
Perhaps you remember me telling Dale on the answering machine you listened in on every day that I understood that if “you pull out the premise, then everything I said after that sounded crazy” and without any structure. Remember that comment you innocent, totally mystified people?
If, or when, you can mange to own your own behaviour instead of just preaching about it to others, and admit that you are wrong, you just might start o change and if you do, there will be a whole let less aggression in this world and a lot less victim blaming to go along with that. That could disrupt the cycle of abuse you know and defuse all of this so that nobody blows anybody’s head off AND (not or) So that no one’s head is getting blown off. See any mutual benefit there at all?
I got the impression from the revelation of the training that a lot of people confuse self-actualization with ego mania. Fenwick also related her own ‘interpretation’ of the training concepts, such as ‘recreation causes disappearance’ to her therapeutic practice. That’s what SHE subjectively projected into it. I said many years ago, the people most likely to ‘get it’ are those who have played the role of either, victim or aggressor before. They are the ones to whom this abstract ‘play’ is most familiar.
Given that, what do you think it might mean to a sociopath who hears all the concepts ‘as if’ they were an instruction for obtaining power over the target of his choice?
Visualization techniques were taught as well, aiming for control, with concrete goals set first.
(I am visualizing something like that right now. If it happens soon, I will say, “Wow! Ever amazing!- just so that I can join all the rest of you who have never stopped using the word in a constant repetition which is frankly, getting on my nerves after all this time.
Guess what MY goal is?
Stay tuned
Lots more training still to come…
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Psychiatric Convolutions
I am out in the public every day where I have been treated for many years to a daily display of the observations, stories passed along and the opinions of me still being expressed by the locals. Most of them don’t actually know me at all. Many of them don’t even know that is me standing beside them while they go on and on expressing their certainty and all the stories they have heard form others, especially the psychiatric hospital staff. Some know me by sight, and that is the only way they know me, and like to point me out to people who are with them. Still others, who know me by sight, feel perfectly free to express their contemptuous opinions of me from a few feet away. Frequently there is the unmistakable tone of disdain (which I get from some of my ‘friends’ too of which there are few left) and accompanying eye roll to go with that. I have been called ‘stupid’ from a few feet away, many times, by people on staff at the psychiatric hospital, and/or by their relatives and neighbours to whom they also have been expressing their contemptuous opinion.
If (or when) I tell psychiatry this is going on in this community, it is heard as a ‘sign’ of my defective self. You see, many of us nuts often ‘believe’ that verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual abuse is part of our lives, but we are told we are wrong. We get ‘corrected’ a great deal. We are sometimes told outright (but not always since they can’t talk to ‘disease”) that these ‘beliefs’ we have about being harmed by others, sometimes deliberately, is part of our ‘perception problem.’ We are not ‘allowed’ we are told, to perceive what we perceive. It upsets ‘others.’ We must never upset these ‘others’ as these ‘others’ can never be blamed you know. At least, that is what we have dictated to us by our ‘saviours.’ They are not of course, saving us from abuse; they are saving us from the IDEA that we have been abused, when really, that can’t be possible according to psychiatric authority.
Do they investigate our claims?
No. That is not necessary. They are all psychic and just KNOW that it didn’t happen. Basically they know that because we say it did happen. So, there you are. This is a taste of psychiatric ‘logic,’ with much more to come. It is quite magical really, as you will soon see. I intend to ‘explain this in nitty gritty detail until even the most devoted convert to the faith, starts to say, “Hey..I wonder if there might not be some truth to that after all.’ (They will resist very mightily of course).’
We are also told we are not ‘allowed’ to confront any of the contemptuous folks directly, or to react to that with an ‘incorrect emotion’. (Renamed ‘inappropriate affects’ as befits the jargon created for the alternate reality of psychiatric definition) if we do these things, (like smile incorrectly) or continue to insist that our experience was real, we understand we may be subject to further ‘treatment’ since psychiatry knows that society simply does not behave this way. It wouldn’t be reasonable if they did.
So, the more ‘normal’ members of the public continue to spew their opinions, rumours, judgements and contempt at me. I ‘claim’ people are talking about me. The people doing the talking “claim’ they are NOT talking about me. I know this because they tell each other that while I am standing near them listening to them do it. Who will be believed?
One of my psychiatrists explained it to me. He said, ‘You only say people are talking abut you because you are ‘seeking fame.’ In other words, he believes this ‘delusion’ of mine is based on my secret desire to be ‘famous.’ It could not possibly be just a fact to a psychiatrist. As one of them has written in a book on his experience as a psychiatrist, he “NEVER takes anything the patient says at face value. This is a good thing for all you future psychiatrized folks to know. Remember, when you get railroaded into a psychiatrist’s office for those ‘signs’ of madness you are displaying, don’t try to tell him (or her) anything directly. It won’t work. Instead, I suggest you make up a metaphor or parable so he can look for some hidden meaning in it. That is what he is going to do anyway, so you may as well know that and help him with his project right from the start. It will be less confusing for you that way. The truth delivered directly and expected to be taken at face value is beyond his comprehension.
The people who are talking about me often discuss the fact that I ‘think’ people are talking abut me.’ (Tsk Tsk. The poor thing. What a shame)
However, some of them think that if I don’t speak up about this, then I deserve just what I get for failing to do that and that makes me a ‘good victim.’ I have been ‘speaking up for thirteen years. I have also been told though that I should stop all this whining, bitching and complaining and must get on with my life; overlook it; forget about it, after all, we ALL have problems dear. You know THAT seems like a double bind to me but of course I am just stupid, so what would I k now. Still others are sure that if I don’t stop speaking out on my own behalf then I deserve what I am getting for ‘perceiving’ myself as a victim.
What I would really like is for ALL of my community assessors to write down ALL of their opinions beliefs and solutions and send them to me signed. I would like them to take copies of all they have heard, including what is assessed as my imagination, delusions, and hallucinated conversations to the psychiatrists who have corrected my perception for me. I would like the community members to ask the psychiatrists point blank, which of these interpretations of my reality is the real one so that the whole community can get together on that and all pressure me to go in the same direction; for my own good of course. Then they can all dictate to me what I am to think see, hear talk about, feel and how to behave about it and at least, there will be some consistency in it all. That in itself would be helpful, and probably the brainwashing effect would work better too, don’t you think?
If you all do this, I think it will clear up a lot of mystification in this. How could they all mange to remain mystified then? Oh, I forgot some of the manipulations of the system. They could then ‘claim’ that I wrote all those letters myself; that I fabricated the evidence and just pretended they were from other people. (You see from my point of view, they like to pretend that none of this is happening and they like to fabricate alternate versions of reality so they can make the real one just go away) They would then have to be very careful to make sure that no actual concrete investigation occurred that would ruin their fabrications. Don’t worry though. They are very good at that.
You have to remember; if what I say is true, how would they be able to really help me then, without admitting they were wrong the whole time? Obviously, they couldn’t so they HAVE to keep insisting that I am crazy for the sake of the politics and appearances in all of this that is the main reason for their being in the first place. What else can they do? We can’t have such unreasonable expectations of them can we? After all, as they like to point out to us whenever things aren’t going their way, they aren’t GOD you know. Yeesh, how unreasonable can I be?
As I was once told by my first official psychiatrist, “No one (at the psychiatric hospital) is going to admit they are wrong or that they have done anything as it would not be in THEIR best interests to do so.”
So there you are. Can’t be much plainer than that can it?
The other thing you mystified people, who really want to know the truth, could do might be to actually ASK me what my own experience is like, but then, I don’t suppose the mental illness system wants to set any new precedents by doing anything THAT radical.
So, as long as they continue to believe the world is divided into them and us, I’m sure they will also continue to see any truth they don’t like , or that makes them uncomfortable, as a threat to the psychiatric paradigm. Of course they are definitely right about that.
This is why we lunatics laugh. It’s for ‘no reason.”
If (or when) I tell psychiatry this is going on in this community, it is heard as a ‘sign’ of my defective self. You see, many of us nuts often ‘believe’ that verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual abuse is part of our lives, but we are told we are wrong. We get ‘corrected’ a great deal. We are sometimes told outright (but not always since they can’t talk to ‘disease”) that these ‘beliefs’ we have about being harmed by others, sometimes deliberately, is part of our ‘perception problem.’ We are not ‘allowed’ we are told, to perceive what we perceive. It upsets ‘others.’ We must never upset these ‘others’ as these ‘others’ can never be blamed you know. At least, that is what we have dictated to us by our ‘saviours.’ They are not of course, saving us from abuse; they are saving us from the IDEA that we have been abused, when really, that can’t be possible according to psychiatric authority.
Do they investigate our claims?
No. That is not necessary. They are all psychic and just KNOW that it didn’t happen. Basically they know that because we say it did happen. So, there you are. This is a taste of psychiatric ‘logic,’ with much more to come. It is quite magical really, as you will soon see. I intend to ‘explain this in nitty gritty detail until even the most devoted convert to the faith, starts to say, “Hey..I wonder if there might not be some truth to that after all.’ (They will resist very mightily of course).’
We are also told we are not ‘allowed’ to confront any of the contemptuous folks directly, or to react to that with an ‘incorrect emotion’. (Renamed ‘inappropriate affects’ as befits the jargon created for the alternate reality of psychiatric definition) if we do these things, (like smile incorrectly) or continue to insist that our experience was real, we understand we may be subject to further ‘treatment’ since psychiatry knows that society simply does not behave this way. It wouldn’t be reasonable if they did.
So, the more ‘normal’ members of the public continue to spew their opinions, rumours, judgements and contempt at me. I ‘claim’ people are talking about me. The people doing the talking “claim’ they are NOT talking about me. I know this because they tell each other that while I am standing near them listening to them do it. Who will be believed?
One of my psychiatrists explained it to me. He said, ‘You only say people are talking abut you because you are ‘seeking fame.’ In other words, he believes this ‘delusion’ of mine is based on my secret desire to be ‘famous.’ It could not possibly be just a fact to a psychiatrist. As one of them has written in a book on his experience as a psychiatrist, he “NEVER takes anything the patient says at face value. This is a good thing for all you future psychiatrized folks to know. Remember, when you get railroaded into a psychiatrist’s office for those ‘signs’ of madness you are displaying, don’t try to tell him (or her) anything directly. It won’t work. Instead, I suggest you make up a metaphor or parable so he can look for some hidden meaning in it. That is what he is going to do anyway, so you may as well know that and help him with his project right from the start. It will be less confusing for you that way. The truth delivered directly and expected to be taken at face value is beyond his comprehension.
The people who are talking about me often discuss the fact that I ‘think’ people are talking abut me.’ (Tsk Tsk. The poor thing. What a shame)
However, some of them think that if I don’t speak up about this, then I deserve just what I get for failing to do that and that makes me a ‘good victim.’ I have been ‘speaking up for thirteen years. I have also been told though that I should stop all this whining, bitching and complaining and must get on with my life; overlook it; forget about it, after all, we ALL have problems dear. You know THAT seems like a double bind to me but of course I am just stupid, so what would I k now. Still others are sure that if I don’t stop speaking out on my own behalf then I deserve what I am getting for ‘perceiving’ myself as a victim.
What I would really like is for ALL of my community assessors to write down ALL of their opinions beliefs and solutions and send them to me signed. I would like them to take copies of all they have heard, including what is assessed as my imagination, delusions, and hallucinated conversations to the psychiatrists who have corrected my perception for me. I would like the community members to ask the psychiatrists point blank, which of these interpretations of my reality is the real one so that the whole community can get together on that and all pressure me to go in the same direction; for my own good of course. Then they can all dictate to me what I am to think see, hear talk about, feel and how to behave about it and at least, there will be some consistency in it all. That in itself would be helpful, and probably the brainwashing effect would work better too, don’t you think?
If you all do this, I think it will clear up a lot of mystification in this. How could they all mange to remain mystified then? Oh, I forgot some of the manipulations of the system. They could then ‘claim’ that I wrote all those letters myself; that I fabricated the evidence and just pretended they were from other people. (You see from my point of view, they like to pretend that none of this is happening and they like to fabricate alternate versions of reality so they can make the real one just go away) They would then have to be very careful to make sure that no actual concrete investigation occurred that would ruin their fabrications. Don’t worry though. They are very good at that.
You have to remember; if what I say is true, how would they be able to really help me then, without admitting they were wrong the whole time? Obviously, they couldn’t so they HAVE to keep insisting that I am crazy for the sake of the politics and appearances in all of this that is the main reason for their being in the first place. What else can they do? We can’t have such unreasonable expectations of them can we? After all, as they like to point out to us whenever things aren’t going their way, they aren’t GOD you know. Yeesh, how unreasonable can I be?
As I was once told by my first official psychiatrist, “No one (at the psychiatric hospital) is going to admit they are wrong or that they have done anything as it would not be in THEIR best interests to do so.”
So there you are. Can’t be much plainer than that can it?
The other thing you mystified people, who really want to know the truth, could do might be to actually ASK me what my own experience is like, but then, I don’t suppose the mental illness system wants to set any new precedents by doing anything THAT radical.
So, as long as they continue to believe the world is divided into them and us, I’m sure they will also continue to see any truth they don’t like , or that makes them uncomfortable, as a threat to the psychiatric paradigm. Of course they are definitely right about that.
This is why we lunatics laugh. It’s for ‘no reason.”
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Bell Tell News...
I have found out something today which I find interesting. As I have a bit of money now that I did not have before, I decided I would get my home phone hooked up as a convenience although I must admit I really haven’t missed it much. Except for the convenience of calling my employer or calling an ambulance for chest pains, I have barely noticed the difference since I contact almost everyone by free e-mail. I was going to have it hooked up again after I moved, but once I did, my employer did not give me any new work with which to pay for it and has not since either. The various interesting reasons for that have been acted out by the public also, although no direct communication about it has been offered to me other than, “We just don’t have any work to give you.” (I have of course had several rumours regarding ‘reasons’ acted out for me around this news.)
Anyway, when I called to ask if my old phone number, which was unlisted could be hooked up again, I discovered that although it was available now, it had been given to someone else in the two years during which I have had no phone at all. This person has since had it disconnected also. When the rep. checked to see if there was any outstanding charges on it from the last person who had it, he discovered that he was wrong and that I could not have that number now. I can not get it now, perhaps he said, as there has not been enough time pass to make it available again. So now I have a new unlisted phone number which I will be sure to give to the local police service in case they might ever want to contact me again in some way other than by e-mail. (Which they also have now)
At hearing this news about someone else who had my old phone number though it brought some interesting possibilities to mind. I remember having the news acted out for me that a ‘he’ had called and left a message for me but I did not answer. (I assumed it was just more community B.S. of which there is a seemingly endless supply) I heard that someone else had ‘tried to contact her’ and she ‘refused to meet with him.’ I heard and not that long ago, that ‘she just pulled the plug on him.’
I can’t help but wonder now if perhaps the same people who were ‘secretly’ calling my number, (like my protagonist and others including those employed by the psychiatric hospital) were still calling this other person who while believing it was me they were calling were perhaps harassing him or her while denying it then too? It makes me wonder if this other person had the phone disconnected because of something like that. It would be interesting to find out wouldn’t it? The staff there was on my old phone number before that, the 822….number, which is why I had it changed in the first place to the 836…number, which I believe a few of them managed to get again after I was hospitalized by their group pressure and had to give it to the psychiatric hospital again!
Anyway, now I have anew unlisted phone number. I wonder who will take it upon themselves to give it out to others once again without my knowledge or consent. If the masses were taught the meaning of personal boundaries, what a nicer world this might actually turn out to be. For then, we nuts would not have to suffer through all these mysterious ‘perception problems’ we ‘think’ are reality in relation to their behaviour which they deny even exists. Nor would we need to have all those ‘inappropriate affects’ (false emotions) of ours from which we are constantly told we suffer due to our mistaken perceptions about being watched, followed, mocked, ridiculed and harassed by a variety of a**holes who always seem to need to deny the everything in relation to something that never even happens.
Anyway, when I called to ask if my old phone number, which was unlisted could be hooked up again, I discovered that although it was available now, it had been given to someone else in the two years during which I have had no phone at all. This person has since had it disconnected also. When the rep. checked to see if there was any outstanding charges on it from the last person who had it, he discovered that he was wrong and that I could not have that number now. I can not get it now, perhaps he said, as there has not been enough time pass to make it available again. So now I have a new unlisted phone number which I will be sure to give to the local police service in case they might ever want to contact me again in some way other than by e-mail. (Which they also have now)
At hearing this news about someone else who had my old phone number though it brought some interesting possibilities to mind. I remember having the news acted out for me that a ‘he’ had called and left a message for me but I did not answer. (I assumed it was just more community B.S. of which there is a seemingly endless supply) I heard that someone else had ‘tried to contact her’ and she ‘refused to meet with him.’ I heard and not that long ago, that ‘she just pulled the plug on him.’
I can’t help but wonder now if perhaps the same people who were ‘secretly’ calling my number, (like my protagonist and others including those employed by the psychiatric hospital) were still calling this other person who while believing it was me they were calling were perhaps harassing him or her while denying it then too? It makes me wonder if this other person had the phone disconnected because of something like that. It would be interesting to find out wouldn’t it? The staff there was on my old phone number before that, the 822….number, which is why I had it changed in the first place to the 836…number, which I believe a few of them managed to get again after I was hospitalized by their group pressure and had to give it to the psychiatric hospital again!
Anyway, now I have anew unlisted phone number. I wonder who will take it upon themselves to give it out to others once again without my knowledge or consent. If the masses were taught the meaning of personal boundaries, what a nicer world this might actually turn out to be. For then, we nuts would not have to suffer through all these mysterious ‘perception problems’ we ‘think’ are reality in relation to their behaviour which they deny even exists. Nor would we need to have all those ‘inappropriate affects’ (false emotions) of ours from which we are constantly told we suffer due to our mistaken perceptions about being watched, followed, mocked, ridiculed and harassed by a variety of a**holes who always seem to need to deny the everything in relation to something that never even happens.
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